You are facilitating a challenging meeting that, given high stakes and past tensions, could become feisty. As a skillful leader-facilitator, you want to guide the process—as well as a few particularly spirited individuals—without becoming overly controlling. What to do?

A common facilitation misstep is to clamp down on disruptive comments or behaviors too quickly and too harshly. Since you need to engender respect and trust among parties, it is best to manage disruptions by modulating your meeting management techniques; start lightly and escalate gradually.

Early in the meeting, everyone is on edge and knows the conversation could easily become derailed, but the parties are initially restrained. Inevitably, someone is triggered by a comment. Perhaps they begin to interrupt, exhale in exasperation, or grouchily close their notebook. Starting off lightly, you might ignore the first such behaviors. However, after a several disruptions, you can shift to subtle “Invisible Hand” responses such as:

• glancing at the interrupter, then back at the speaker

• simply saying her name aloud

• gesturing for her to “write down your idea”

• putting up your hand to indicate “wait”

The essence of this technique is to avoid asserting control too hard and fast. As a facilitator, you don’t want to suppress all emotion during challenging interactions. Instead, you want to allow some off-gassing while also demonstrating your ability and intention to effectively facilitate the process.

The deft motion of your “invisible hand” might work. As participants experience your ability to maintain control in an even-handed and mild manner, perhaps they will become model citizens.

But they probably won’t. Instead, disruptions, hostile reactions, and snide sniper comments will likely continue. At that point, you can ratchet up to “Overt Redirection” which we will explore in the next installment.

Do you have a tough meeting ahead? Perhaps you need to make big decisions under a cloud of team tension? In-Accord can help via facilitation, mediation, training, and professional coaching.